


Joker Plugs Up Batman's Holes (this fic is completely safe for work)

by ClownBoy



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Abdominal Wounds, M/M, Oneshot, Tending Wounds, minor gore, nursing back to health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 06:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18544273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClownBoy/pseuds/ClownBoy
Summary: This is 100% based of that one tumblr post.





	Joker Plugs Up Batman's Holes (this fic is completely safe for work)

The rain showed no sign of stopping. A knock at the door wasn't the last thing the Clown Prince of Crime expected, but it sure was close. Especially considering it was the Caped Crusader full of holes.

"J-Joker..." He steadied himself on the wall, the doorbell held down and buzzing while the other arm covered his stomach. "I... I didn't know where else to go."

Vain as he was, the clown's first thought was embarrassment Batman was seeing him without makeup. Still, he was quick to play the part. "Well, where was this energy last night?"

The black glove searched for the doorframe.

He sighed, guiding the glove over his shoulders. "Come on, Bats. Do mind the mess. Ya didn't exactly _répondez s'il vous plaît_."

" _Pa-Parlez-vous français?_ "

" _Sí._ "

They managed to shuffle all the way to the kitchen.

"Sit... sit." He lowered the less-than-victorious Dark Knight onto a stool by the table. No bother turning the lights on. Clownish decor and flesh wounds tend to grace the eyes easier the less they're seen. "Oh and unless you wanna be patched up with nail glue and Hello Kitty bandages, I'm gonna need your help."

One elbow on the table, he reached into a back pocket of his belt before stuffing cotton into Joker's hands.

"I'll take a guess we need to clean you up first. Now THAT I have in order." The bottle was in hand and cork in teeth before any protest could be made. It's doubtful some antiseptic wasn't consumed before making it to the cotton or where exactly the spat cork landed. "Now, be a big boy."

The biggest question on the Bat's mind had jumped from from why he came here of all places to why on earth he expected a gentle application. Tears welled up in his eyes as he held in what screams he could.

The rip of velcro and pressure against his skin brought him back to the dingy kitchen. As the wrapping secured, he heard a scoff.

"Can't be that bad."

He wasn't sure why it made him laugh.

Joker led the glove round his shoulders once more. "Glad I can bring you the best medicine, Bats," he stood, "but laughter and rice don't have nothing on the old R-and-R. You got it, Big Guy?"

Bats got his footing. "Thanks."

"No need."

A few rooms later, the knight found himself looking out a window to a view of the street. Passing headlights illuminated a YIELD sign with worn mounting holes serving as a makeshift headboard for a mattress on the floor. Sadly, it was very comfortable. Even after he took all his weight off the Joker, an arm stayed around him, lingering just a moment too long. Batman had never noticed, up close and in the dark, Joker's eyes almost glowed.

"Uh," Joker stood, "I'll leave you be then. Mind if I lock the door?" Something jingled. "I figure you're not fullly recovered until you can play escape room in any given setting."

"Right." He maintained steady eye contact with the wall. "Make it look like a capture. Cover our tracks."

"Right." He tucked in the back of his shirt. The traffic light lit Joker's comically large ring of keys red. As he left the room, green spilled into the hallway. "Don't make this a regular thing. Don't count on this. A less lonely, less inebriated me might've gone the easy route and LEFT you out there." He looked from the mattress to the window and back again. "Don't break the glass." The lock clicked. But the urge to press an ear to the door was irresistable.

  


Not only did the crooked clown wake up leaned against an open door, he was surprised to find the bed made and white lillies in the empty bottle on the kitchen table. But was he really? He shook his head. There were plans to make, especially considering the brutal execution of his arch-nemesis scheduled Thursday all the sudden had lost a certain appeal.

Huh. Guess he deserved a thanks after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% based of that one tumblr post.


End file.
